Heart Broken

We found out today that our three beautiful embryos have gone to heaven. We are heartbroken because our dreams of being parents again have been taken away. We just don't understand why this keeps happening. A good friend often reminds me that God never promised us anwers. Infertility is so cruel and there is absolutely nothing that I or Mark can do about it - no magic pill, diet, surgery, dreaming, wanting, etc. - it is just our cross to bear. So once again, we will pick up our cross can continue on our journey. Please pray that we continue to have the strength to keep walking.

The embryologist called this afternoon with bad news. None of the remaining embryos were able to be frozen. This means that for the first time, we will not have a frozen cycle to fall back on. Both Mark and I are upset by this because we so wanted this to be our "perfect cycle" and it has been far from perfect. Now all our hopes on more children lie in the 3 precious little ones already transferred. Even though it will be 2 weeks before we find out if I am pregnant, what ever will be has already happened. It takes somewhere between 48-72 hours for the embryos to either implant and start to grow, or be absorbed by my body because they have died. Our continued prayers are with all of them.

Aren't they BEAUTIFUL!

The one on the top is a 9 celled embryo, the middle right is a 6 celled embryo, and the lower left is an 8 celled embryo.

Ice

Just about done with bed rest. We continue to pray that the embryos are all snuggled in and growing.

Mark is currently outside attempting to chip ice off the driveway and the boys and I are snuggled on the couch watching ICE AGE of all movies!

Homecoming

We ended up doing a day 3 embryo transfer this time around. The embryologist said that while the quality of the best 4 was excellent, we just didn't have the quantity in our favor this cycle. We opted for the best 3 embryos to be transferred. The transfer went as perfect as possible and I am now on 48 hours of bed rest. We continue to pray for the transferred embryos and the ones that remain in the lab. We hope that some are healthy enough to be frozen.

We are thankful that at least 3 of our embryos are now at home. Their older brothers are already speaking to them. Telling them to stick and grow. And reminding them that they too were once in this same place.

The fate of the embryos is now in God's hands. We pray that God's plan includes letting us have one or more of them in our arms next fall.

Lots of Prayers

We had the egg retrieval yesterday. The RE was able to get 20 eggs! Out of the 20, 16 were mature enough to fertilize. Unfortunately, only 9 fertilized by this morning. While this is a somewhat disappointing number, I must remember that we still have 9 embryos growing. Please pray they continue to grow and remain healthy. We are still optimistic for a day 5 transfer on Saturday but will know more tomorrow morning.

More IVF

I had another appointment today. I have developed fluid around my ovaries so the doctor said that I am ready for the egg retrieval. Mark will give me the trigger shot tonight then we will h ave the egg retrieval on Monday morning. We are staying with my sister and BIL because they live closer the doctor's office. We are suppose to have horrible weather on Sunday night and I have to be there at 5:30AM. The doctor said he is estimating 18-20 eggs. I will be thrilled with 12 mature ones.

IVF Update

I had an ultrasound and bloodwork this morning. My ovaries are doing exactly what they should be as are my hormones. I have another appointment on Saturday morning and the egg retrieval on Monday. I am glad that I only have 3 more nights of shots.

Our IVF Journey

Wow - IVF number 5! Can't hardly believe it. I would never have thought 8 years ago that I would be saying we would be on IVF #5. People think we are crazy - and maybe in some ways we are. Before we knew we had infertility issues, we wanted a large family. And yes, God has blessed us with 2 absolutely wonderful and healthy boys - but we want more. If we could have children the "old fashioned" way then no one would make comments about wanting more - but this infertility struggle is our cross to bear.

Like I told a friend last month, the heartbreak of not having more children is almost as unbearable as the heartbreak of IVF failure. So we keep going - praying the Rosary before each appointment.

So a quick update: I'm taking the stimming meds. For those not in the IVF world, those are the massive amounts of hormone drugs. In a matter of a week, they make my ovaries go from nothing, to swollen with follicles (hopefully eggs). I will have another ultrasound tomorrow to check the progress. We are hoping for egg retrieval (ER) on Sunday or Monday. Here's to praying for a bountiful crop!!!

I will try to get some pics on here soon!

It's been a long time.....

I'm going to try to give a brief run down on our lives since I lasted posted. I now have a laptop at home so hopefully this will be updated more often now!

Yes, we have tried IVF again this past summer (June 2008). In case you are counting, that was #4. Everything went better than expected and I was pregnant with FRESH EMBRYOS for the first time. We were thrilled that our boys were going to have a sibling or two. We were devastated a mere 4 days later with a miscarriage. That took a lot of wind out of my sails. But we tried with the remaining 3 frozen embryos. That was not successful. Believe it or not, we are currently in the midst of IVF #5 - more on that in a different post.

Dominic is now 4 years old and attending preschool. He loves it and wonders why he can't go to school all day. He has learned to ride a 2 wheeler - with training wheels of course - and recently was spoiled by his Grammy with a battery operated race car! He is a very good driver. He is quickly learning his way around a computer and video gaming systems.

Luke is almost 2 years old. He is ornery!!!!! No way around that one. He says some of the funniest things - even when in trouble and it is all we can do not to laugh. He thinks he is as big as his brother and can do all those things that 4 year old boys do. At times, Luke gets frustrated at himself because he can't make his legs or hands do something.

Mark and I are both about the same - just older now! Hoping to keep up on this ...