Bed Rest almost Over

My bed rest is almost over. This means that the fate of our little ones is already decided. They have either implanted and started to grow, or have died and absorbed by my body. We continue to pray for their health and safety and for those embryos we have lost along the way.

Last night, as Luke was giving my tummy kisses, he brought me has favorite blanket. He placed it over my tummy, and said, "Hi babies. This is MY blankie, but I will share it so you stay warm inside mommy."

Great News!

The embryologist just called....we have 5 perfect Grade 1 expanded blasts that were frozen! So we potentially have 2 frozen cycles in our future!

They are soooo cute!

Here are our 2 beautiful babies! Dominic is still hoping both are girls and we get them in our arms next spring. Luke loves talking to my tummy saying "Hi babies. This is your big brother, Luker. Stick and grow." With Grammy's help this morning, they made me breakfast in bed - what a treat!

Now, the wait begins again......

All Tucked In....

All 4 of us are safe at home. I say 4 of us because we transfered 2 beautiful blasts this afternoon. Everthing went as perfectly as it could. Now I enter the dreaded 2 week wait, and our little ones fate now rests in God's hands.

Set for a Day 5 Transfer!

We found out yesterday that the majority of our embryos are still going strong. The embryologist said that some of the slow starters from the day before had turned themselves around and were doing beautifully. So we are set for a Day 5 transfer which is Tuesday. We were told to think about how many embryos to transfer and we are confident and comfortable with transferring 2 really nice quality blasts.



I'm feeling much better today as well. I'm still bloated but not nearly as much - a marked improvement over the past couple of days. I have drank more Gatorade in the last 4 days than I have my life!

We are looking forward to bringing two of our little ones home tomorrow.

Embryo Report

All 21 embryos are still with us. However there are a few that are waning. Most are at a 4-celled stage - right where they should be. We do have some that are at a 5-cell as well. The embryologist said that she will look at them again in the morning. If 2-3 are standing above the rest, we might opt for a day 3 transfer. If there are 5 or more that are still doing really well, then we will push out to a day 5. Again, we are waiting. The IVF process sure tests my patience!

Look how our Sunflower has grown!

Here is the sunflower at the beginning of June.

And here it is just 3 weeks later!

It is starting to get a bloom - so we should have a big yellow flower on the stalk soon.

Dominic - our Gymnast!

Almost there Dominic - just a bit more!

Oops! You got stuck!

There - You got it! I wish my shoulders still moved like that!

Having More Lake Fun

Here is Luke having tons of fun tubing with his cousins. He was begging to get out there and we had to pry him off of it!

Domininc and his cousin, Derek, are enjoying a swim. This day the air was very chilly but the water was still warm - just didn't want to get out!

Dominic is being silly - he loves making silly faces now when he is getting his picture taken.

Of course, Luke has to join in the big kid fun. He truly believes he can do everything the bkig kids are doing!

Fertilization Report

The embryologist called and said we have 21 embryos growing strong right now. We pray that we will have many blasts to chose from next week for the transfer and are able to freeze the rest. I am still sore - looking about 5 months pregnant right now. Hoping the bloating goes away soon!

Egg Retrieval

Just getting home from our egg retrieval. All went well - 41 eggs retrieved. We will find out tomorrow from the embryologist how many of those were mature and how many fertilized. I'm still really sleepy so I'm getting ready to take nap. I will post the fertilization report tomorrow.

We Learned Our Lesson

Dominic was doing so great riding his bike without training wheels. He wanted to surprise Grammy on Friday - which he did - at my sister's house. He gained enough confidence that he was riding in the gravel. He made a turn and fell. Dominic split his forehead open on the gravel. My poor children - having a mom in the medical field - I just butterflied it together when it could have used 2-3 stitches.

It is looking good a few days later and I finally convinced Dominic to "get back up" on his bike and keep on riding. Of course he is riding just fine - with a helmet on now!

Appointment #3

I'm all set for egg retrieval on Thursday, July 23. I'm very excited about it because I'm becoming more and more uncomfortable and I'm ready to stop the stimming meds. The doctor expects to retrieve more than 30 mature eggs!

Monitoring Appointment #2

Another appointment "under my belt"! It was really good - 30 follies growing! My E2 level was 998. So same dose today and lower it for the next two days. I go back on Monday morning. we are still on track for ER on July 22.

My sister went with me and was laughing when we left. I asked her what was so funny. She said that all the couples in the waiting room probably thought we were "a couple" since she went back with me to get my scan! I hadn't thought about that at the time - but it probably did look strange. For those that don't know, my sister has also been through this process so it is no big deal for me to share with her.

Dominic's BIG Surpise

Dominic and Daddy had a BIG surprise waiting for me when I got home from work tonight! Dominic learned to ride his bike without training wheels! Mark said he had it down in under 5 minutes - all Dominic's idea! He is now riding like a pro.

My Reality

Since we have started on this IVF process yet again, I have been spending time in the sub-fert blogging world. In Oprah's word's "I had a light bulb moment today!" Good grief - it's about freaking time. All these years I have referred to my infertility as a "medical condition I'm receiving treatment for" - well guess what? I have a DISEASE! Holy crap - I guess the truth finally hit me square in the ovaries! I have an incurable disease - one that does have treatment options - but may or may not be successful.

Infertility affects approximately 6 million people in the United States alone. And just think of the millions of family members and friends this disease can also affect. My own mother has cried countless tears over my infertility. Of course it's not her fault in any way, yet she feels that she somehow failed me while she was pregnant with me or when I was a young girl. But she is my mother and feels helpless that she can't "fix it" by giving me a kiss and making the monsters go away.

Even with as open and honest as we have been about our struggle to become parents, people still don't get it. Most of our family and friends "struggle" to prevent pregnancy - and will never experience this profound heartbreak. People often speak of fertility as "a choice" - that's a bunch of BS to me - where's my choice - that's right, I was never given one. And what about Mark, my prince charming through it all - his choices were also taken away - and to have to look your husband in the eye and tell him that the children he so dearly wanted will never be - well that's just something a wife should never have to endure. At that moment, I felt like a failure as a wife - a failure as a woman.

When people started to realize we were "having problems getting pregnant" we received tons of unsolicited advice that sub-ferts just love to hear. Just take a vacation, just get drunk, just buy a new car, just buy a new house, just relax, just adopt, and my 2 favorites - first to poor Mark - Don't you know how to do it right? I bet I could get her pregnant!" and lastly, "Maybe God has a different plan - maybe you weren't meant to be parents." Yeah thanks for that - thanks for pushing me off the cliff!

Ok - so I'm still thrilled to be on this journey again. We have always wanted a big family and are still trying to realize that dream. If Dominic and Luke are all the children we are blessed with at the end of this road, then what a glorious adventure it will be!

So I have come to 2 conclusions today - I have a disease, and I probably shouldn't blog about infertility when my hormone levels are getting all ramped up on the stimming juice!

Pink or Blue....

Here is a poem about infertility that I thought I would share. I am not the author nor do I wish to take credit, however, the author is unkown to me.

Pink Or BlueGod, pink or blue, I do not care
Its sex is neither here nor there.
I pray you see my longing heart,
And in motherhood, let me take part.
I ask this out of selfishness,
But pray you grant it none the less.
I will do my best to raise them right,
To ignite in them Your holy light.
And if it not be, Comfort me please.
Mend my heart and give me peace.
And help me to see and understand,
Your will is much greater than what I had planned.

First Monitoring Appointment

My first monitoring appointment went just fine. I have about 12 eggs on each side all running about the same size - just as it should be. My E2 levels are just under 300 - perfect for this time in the cycle. I will stay on the same dose of stims and go back on Friday to see how much progress I have made. When I woke up this morning, I can definitely feel my ovaries have kicked in to overdrive.

And so it begins.....

I took my first and second stim injections last night. Now I feel our 6th IVF cycle has truly begun. I have already been through 2 rounds of hot flashes this morning! It really amazes still that this part of the cycle only takes about 10 days - doesn't seem like it should be so short to make all those eggs! Only 12 more days before our ER (egg retrieval).

Hard Work Rewarded

After all the hard work on the tractor, the boys were rewarded with a little fishing with Dad. We had 2 poles in the water - one for channel cat and one for bass. They channel cat weren't hungry yesterday so no luck there. Mark did catch 3 small bass. Luke tried to hold one but he quickly dropped it and said it was tickling his hand.

Daddy's Helpers

Dominic and Luke love to help their Daddy on our farm. You sure can tell Dad had tons of help yesterday! Dad was busy working and the boys were playing a game of hide-n-seek. The tractor tire was a great place for both of them to hide!

Our Future in Bottles

Here lies our prayers in becoming parents once again - all in powder form. If you are counting, that is 40 vials of Bravelle and 20 vials of Menopur. I really never thought I would be posting these types pictures once again. But I am anxious to get started - come on Saturday.

Backyard Fun in the Sun

I was ready for one of the them to dunk the other one! Luckily, they are well behaved in the pool.

Dominic and Luke LOVE sliding on their tummies - I told them they look like baby penguins.

Swinging Silly!

We are all set

Our RE appoiontment was great today. Everything is still looking good. So tonight I lower the Lupron and get to start the stims on Saturday.

Pregnancy Guilt

I read an interesting topic today on an infertility blog - pregnancy guilt. At first I thought this topic was a strange one. However after reading the first few sentences, I realized that I had this - and still do to an extent - just now it is "mommy guilt". I still find myself not wanting to attend baby showers and feel a pang of sadness if I run into a pregnant teen or a woman with several children at her feet already. Meanwhile, I feel guilty being a mother since I still have friends and family that are struggling with becoming parents. I suppose once you are a casualty of infertility, those feelings never truly go away - you just become a survivor. So I will say a prayer tonight for those like me that have ART children and long for more, and for those who still have empty arms. We are not alone in our quiet suffering.

Luke cannot be outdone!

Luke worked up the courage 3 weeks ago to trust the life jacket. He is now unstoppable in the water. He has learned to "kick and reach" in order to move around. He is doing so well, that he follows his big kid cousins out to the swim dock. As of yet, he won't jump off - kind of slides in - but I don't think it will take him long.

The boys at the Lake

Here is Dominic enjoying a swim in the lake. The water finally warmed up enough for Mom and Dad to join him! Dominic had a recent BIG accomplishment....He jumped off the swim dock in the middle of cove! Of course he loved it once he realized his life jacket would bring him right back up!