Gratitude

One of my best friends is an adoptive mommy too.  A friend of hers posed a question about (I'm paraphrasing) what good or to what end or benefits come from having an open adoption.  This was a conversation we had a couple of months ago and since then I have been trying to reflect on that conversation.  Simply put......it's profound gratitude.

Ironically, every adoption journey begins with pain.  Pain from the potential adoptive parents because most are sub-ferts - those battling infertility in some form.  Pain from the birthfamily for having to make the most heart wrenching decision not to parent their child.  Unless you have experienced either situation, then open adoption seems like a foreign language.....almost a "why bother".

We were able to experience something almost magical with Isaac's birthfamily because of the trust we have allowed between us.  We all walked out of the hospital together.  We were able to witness the pain and the love Isaac's birthfamily (all of them) has for him as we walked towards our vehicle with our 2 day old son and they walked away from theirs.  This is one moment of Isaac's adoption that we will never forget.  Because of this moment, we will never tolerate other's judgement about the reason behind Isaac's adoption.  It was out of profound love....and one day, Isaac will know and understand this too....that he was and is deeply loved by his birthfamily.

Enter Gratitude.....

In order for gratitude to exist, you must receive a gift.  I haven't asked Isaac's birthfamily, but they may point out that they did not give us Isaac as a gift, rather, they gave Isaac the gift of a loving family.  For us, the gift is two fold.  First, Isaac's birthfamily gave us a most precious gift - Isaac.  Secondly, and most importantly, Isaac has given us the gift of parenthood once again.  Isaac is the gift.

We have profound gratitude for Isaac's birthfamily.  There is no gratitude without first admitting your dependence on one another for the gift.  This can be hard to express - admitting your reliance on another - being humble.  Being grateful replaces being fearful.  We do not fear the birthfamily's feelings and needs because we are open and honest about them as needed.  We do not fear Isaac's knowledge of being adopted  because of the gratitude we feel for him and his birthfamily.

Gratitude is not the same as indebtedness.  Gifts are simply gifts.  A gift doesn't owe anyone anything.  A gift is never indebted.  Gifts are given freely without judgement or obligation to return a gift.  While we are profoundly grateful for Isaac and to his birthfamily, we will be careful not to place that same expectation onto Isaac as he grows.  That is a place he will need to come to on his own.  Hopefully knowing his birthfamily will allow him to give himself as a "renewed" gift back to us as an adult and he too will have profound gratitude for all those who have loved him.  He will then truly understand where he belongs and will feel at home and at peace with his adoption.

Open adoption definitely takes courage - you may be fearful in the beginning, but you push through it.  Courage is necessary to find the strength to overcome our personal comfort.  Every open adoption is unique because of those involved.Our decision for an open adoption is not about us or the birthfamily.  So "why bother" with an open adoption you ask?


Because we have profound gratitude for our son.

Isaac's Many Faces

In an attempt to finally capture a BIG smile with the camera, I captured some of Isaac's many silly faces instead.

 While this isn't a "face" I wanted to get a picture of Isaac with his babylegs on.  His skinny legs don't like to hold them up very good!

 We call this one his "I'm about to smile" look.

 This one is my favorite silly face!

Kissy Face!

Getting really, really close to a smile......

And here it is!!!!!  The picture turned out a bit blurry because I was taking these pictures in very low light without a flash...so the slightest movement from Isaac causes a blurr.  But I wanted to post it anyway!  We just love that toothless grin!

I'm NOT SuperMom!

After becoming a mom to 3 boys and returning to work full time outside of the home, I have discovered that I'm not a SuperMom.  I will admit that I'm a mere mortal....and need to delegate some responsibility.  Not to my Prince Charming per say....he does great with grocery shopping, fixing meals, etc. 

It's time for the "real" chores to begin with the boys.  Obviously Isaac is going to be a bench warmer for a while but Dominic and Luke need to become key players in housework duties.  They are already responsible for putting away their clean laundry, making their beds and putting toys away before bedtime.  But it's time to elevate the playing field some.  A few age appropriate chores for them will include sweeping the kitchen floor a few times per week (after all, it is their crumbs that hit the floor in the first place) and cleaning up their bathroom.  I'm thinking that wiping out the sink and toilet with a Clorox wipe is not too much to ask 2-3 times per week.

I'm sure this new "game" is not going to be met with much enthusiasm in our house!  But I want to teach the boys about being a team member of the family, being responsible, contributing to the family, and being rewarded for a job well done.  I'm hoping all my future daughter-in-laws are already thanking me!

Baptism Day

Our prayer for you today Isaac:

Lord, protect this little boy who's loved so very much.  Show him everything there is to see and hear and touch.  Thank you for Your presence in his life and on his holy Baptism Day.  May You lead and protect this precious child forever in Your way.

 Isaac's God Parents - Michael and Amanda - Isaac's cousins.

I had to choose today between video and still pictures.  I decided on video.  I handed our camera off and Isaac's baptism was recorded....blurry.  The whole thing is blurry....I have no idea what may have gone a wry but it did.  We are disappointed in not capturing this wonderful day on video....but it was a fantastic day none the less.

Bikes

Dominic and Luke were/are both outgrowing their current bikes.  We had Dominic pick out a new bike for his birthday (not for another month) so we could do the "bike pass down" in the family.  We told Luke he could get a new bike once he was confident without training wheels....what did he pick out....his brother's old bike and is thrilled!  Of course we are too!

Happy 7th Birthday Dominic.....a month early!

We liked the description of this bike on-line.  It said is had hand brakes for both front and back and coaster brakes (pedal brakes).  We thought this would be a nice transition for Dominic to learn to use hand brakes but had pedal braks for back up.  Well......no pedal brakes.  But he seemed to pick up the hand brakes very quickly.

All ready for the madien ride on the new bike.  Luke wasn't as ready to ride a bigger bike yet but after I put away the camera because of low light, he started riding the bigger bike without any problems.

Dominic and Luke....hitting the road together.

Dominic & Luke

Isaac and I went with Dominic's first grade class to the Truman Farm for a field trip.  We had a great time.

After the field trip, Isaac and I picked up Luke from school and hiked the trail at the conversation center.  I was lucky on this day - Luke was very cooperative in getting some photos taken.

I Must Return....

Sadly, my maternity leave is over.  I return to work in t-minus 90 minutes.

But Isaac is 12 weeks old and thriving!  He is such  joy.  Isaac is a very happy baby and he makes us all laugh with his funny faces and sounds he is starting to make.  I think he might be a bit on the onery side....he will be taking a bottle then all of sudden smile great big and laugh.  When he does this, all the formula just runs down his chin.  I laugh so that makes Isaac smile even bigger.

I will miss you today.  You will have a piece of my heart so I won't feel like myself.