"Wow, you guys have done IVF how many times and now adoption? How much does all that cost?" Thank you for being so concerned about our overjoyed feelings about being parents once again. I'm glad there are people like you who are looking out for our financial future. Seriously, we all make choices. We have chosen to spend our money on the greatest and most precious gift of all....parenthood.
"I think it is so great you are adopting. Especially since you have bio children. I would love to adopt and give a child a better life." Yes, you are totally right. Adoption is exactly like saving a puppy at the pound. We are such good people.....NOT. We are adopting for the most selfish reasons - ourselves. We want to be parents again. We want another child in our hearts and arms. This is all for us.
"What if the child doesn't look like you?" WHAT?! If I was concerned about "who" the child would look like, I would have paid the best looking super models for eggs and sperm. After all, it's not like my beauty is at the top of the list - oh wait - yes it is but the world hasn't recognized it yet!
"I just can't understand how a woman could "give-up" her child. I could never do it no matter what. I love my kids too much." First of all, women do not "give-up" their children. They pain stakingly agonize over "placing" their very-much-loved child with another couple. Secondly, choosing adoption for the baby is the most selfless act of love a woman can ever do. She loves the baby so much, that she is willing to put her own feelings aside so her baby can have all he needs. Birth mothers (parents) have my total respect and admiration.
"You are going to have an open adoption? That must be scary." We are not "going to" have an open adoption. We already have an open adoption. Open adoption is not scary to us. I would be terrified of a closed adoption. We want our child to know his/her birth family and it would break my heart for us not to continue that relationship. However, the future is not set. Every birth parent and adoptive parent handles and copes with the emotions in a different way. We will be understanding and non-judgemental if our relationship with the birth family changes over time. But when our son or daughter looks me in the eye and asks about his/her birth family, I want to be able to look him/her back with my head held high and reply with honesty, "We did and have done everything in our power and your best interest to maintain a relationship and contact with your birth family." I'm hoping that as life goes on, we actually won't have that question at all because we will still have an open line of communication with the birth family. As the birth mother and I have already learned, we are open and honest with one another. We are building a relationship on one common ideal - what's best for the baby/child.
We want an open adoption because we want to get to know the birth family, to establish trust and open communication, to help alleviate the uncertainty for our child’s birth parents and loss by other members in his family of origin, and for our child to have the benefit of knowing his first family, to feel connected to his roots, to know their love if possible. I know this might not be easy for any of us, necessarily. But we feel it is important to try to offer that, even if it means stretching outside our zone of comfort.
My hope on my judgement day is that my character and integrity not be called into question with being an adoptive parent.
Real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody's going to know whether you did it or not. - Oprah
1 comment:
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this post!!! LOVE IT! VERY WELL SAID Andrea! Can we get an "Amen sister!"?!?!?!
HUGS!
Jen
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