Happy Mother's Day - To Be

I was sent this blog post - it is great.  It is copied here -actually written by the RE at a fertility clinic.  Even with all God has granted me, I am still a victim of infertility.  I still pray for all those women who will put on a brave face this Sunday and smile.  For all those women who still have empty arms.

She broke the bread into two fragments, and gave them to the children, who ate with avidity. “She has kept none for herself,” grumbled the sergeant. “Because she is not hungry,” said a soldier. “Because she is a mother,” said the sergeant. – Victor Hugo



Mother’s day is upon us. It is not that welcome of a holiday for my patients. Gifts passed out at church or given by a well meaning spouse do little to fill the void of yearning that brings them to my office. We hear stories about the great love, sacrifice and courage that mother’s have for their children, but little is said about the incredible love, sacrifice and courage of my “mothers-to-be”.


It takes incredible courage to acknowledge that there is even a problem. We all want to believe that we are in control of our lives and to acknowledge that there is a fertility problem is to internalize a lack of control over this incredibly sensitive part of their lives.


It takes courage to seek medical attention. No one likes to see doctors (I’m over a year late for my colonoscopy), and the trip to the fertility doctor is a particularly difficult journey.


It takes courage to undergo procedures that are not comfortable and are in an area where discomfort is particularly unwanted.


It takes courage to face the possibility of disappointment. Studies have shown that when a woman experiencing infertility has a period, indicating that once again she is not pregnant, she experiences the same degree of grief as if her brother or sister had just died. Most of us will go through that only once or twice in our lifetime. Imagine going through that every month for years. Then imagine going through a specific procedure to get pregnant and having it not work.


It takes courage to hope that it will work the first time and proceed , and even greater courage to experience a failed attempt and then turn around and have the courage to hope again.


These women undergo great sacrifices.


They sacrifice the intimacy of what was supposed to be a wonderful and intensely personal experience with their partner for a doctor’s office.


They sacrifice time on often repetitive visits for monitoring and procedures.

They sacrifice financial resources as they struggle to have something that everyone around them seems to receive without thought and sometimes with disdain.


They sacrifice personal comfort, sometimes thinking that if they experience pain, they will be more worthy of the “gain” they so desperately seek.


Why? Why do they do this? They do this for the same reason the mother gives her bread and goes without. They do it for love. The only difference is that they do it for a deep abiding love for a child that they have not yet held, a voice they have not yet heard, a smile they have not yet seen, and a touch they have not yet felt.

Here's to all of you.  My thoughts and prayers are with all of you that Sunday may pass quickly into the past.  I pray that this is the last Mother's Day you spend with empty arms.